Rat Poop

Ummm I have a thing against God's outdoor creatures coming in to mingle with the inside creatures (my hubby and I) All things on Earth serve a purpose... The birds eat insects and help scatter seeds. The bears help thin out the herds... (and scare hikers!) The worms aeriate the soil and help break down stuff (my mind is not coming up with technical terms this morning).

So on and so on.... But, everything has a place... And my kitchen is not the place!

My hubby has been trying to convince me for the last three weeks that we have a rat. I laughed... What would a rat want with us? I don't keep cheese on hand. No plates of cold cuts. No chips and dips... I am a terrible host.

He tried to tell me that he swept up a giant rat terd off the dining room floor... (But he also thought the extra mouse for my PC, that was on the floor by my desk, was a rat...) So, I was still not a believer.

He called me at work and told me he heard scratching in the living room. I had to ask him if he was watching TV. Of course he was... Well, is it possible that the sound he was hearing is coming from one of the surround sound speakers? (they separate the different sound effects in movies... You hear the thunder behind you... And actors talking from the side speakers... Etc.)

Well, he said it is possible... But he is sure it is a rat... I am sure he is sipping the cooking sherry.

This went on for another week... Trying to ease his mind I called an exterminator. The guy brought in some of those rat poison packages and distributed them thru out the house. For this he charged us 40 bucks. I could have gone to Home Depot and saved us $30. I figure the balance went towards peace of mind.

another week went by... My hubby would occasionally bring up the "mythical" rat. And I promptly snickered ... And asked him if he had taken too many sinus tabs. (he does not appreciate me giggling at his expense.)

In my defense... I have never seen, heard, or smelled a rat in the house. (not the four legged type)

Well, that all changed this morning... My hubby asked me to check out the new Christmas present under the tree. Ooooh Goodie... Another present... (I should have known he was up to no good... I should have seen the evil twinkle in his eyes... ) But it was 5:30 in the morning... I was not looking for twinkles. I was looking for a cup of cocoa.

I got about 2 feet from the tree... And I saw it... Between the packages... A TAIL!!!! A gosh darn LONG tail! I backed slowly away... And whispered... "Is it alive?"

We debated on the best way to check.... Most of which required something with a long handle. (and me standing on a chair) All the while, my hubby kept saying... "Go ahead and apologize for not believing me... Go ahead... I'm waiting..."

I replied... "I'm so sorry. Now go get it. I'll wait on my chair!" "Love you honey"

He gave me the most incredulous stare... And said... "You hold a box and I'll sweep it in."

Now what possessed this man to think I would a.) get off my chair and b.) stand in the path of the rat he plans on rocketing towards me? It must be the word "FOOL" I have tattooed on my forehead.

I tip toed back to check on our guest... Hoping he had slipped past us, back outside. No chance.

And then reason began to set in. Not a creature was stirring not even our rat. (cute huh?) He had not even twitched... My hubby peered over my shoulder and asked... "Do they play dead when they are scared?" I told him they climb on a chair and wait for trouble to pass...

again he did not appreciate my humor... He must be sleepy too!

Poor Ben was swept into a box and tossed unceremoniously into the trash. And being the clever person I am... I promptly turned on the stereo and played my Michael Jackson CD... "Ben, the two of us were meant to be... Ben... la-la-la-la-la... la-la-la-la-la... To have a friend like Ben" (short version)

Lucky thing... if he would have been smaller I would have given him a proper burial in the toilet.

People in ... Creatures out!